Faye McDonough

When have you got someone completely wrong at work? I’m willing to bet it’s happened more often than you’d like to admit.

I’ve been thinking about this question a lot lately, particularly as I watch women around me navigate their careers and build their professional networks – and I plan a summer bike ride with my best friend who nearly wasn’t! 

It’s made me reflect on one of the most important relationships in my career – one that almost never happened because of my own assumptions and quick judgements.

When First Impressions Get It Wrong

When I first met Angela, I thought we had nothing in common whatsoever.

We were the only two mid-20s women in a traditional, male-dominated office in Financial Services. We’d both made our first steps onto the career ladder as Sales Coordinators, climbing quickly to become unexpected Relationship Managers. 

Picture The Office and you’re nearly there – think ownership Tippex-ed onto staplers and a heavy dose of inappropriateness that wouldn’t fly today.

Angela and I should have formed an instant connection, but we didn’t. In fact, I couldn’t have been more wrong about her if I’d tried.

Your reflection: Think about your current workplace. Are there colleagues you’ve written off too quickly? What assumptions might you be making based on surface-level differences?

Here’s what I saw:

Cumbrian lover of Hard Rock and The Outdoors vs. Suburban Mancunian Vogue obsessive who thought Converse were appropriate for hill-walking.

No mutual ground there! Or so I thought.

Then, three things happened that changed everything:

1. An office relocation sat us together
2. A music conversation uncovered a shared love of The Smiths
3. We started to tentatively head downstairs for lunch together (Chicken Pot Pie soup at Eat, if you’re asking!)

Twenty-two years and far too many conversations about work and life later, Angela remains one of my dearest friends. As we load our panniers for the 2025 edition of our annual long-distance bike ride, I’m grateful for whoever made that seating plan decision.

Why Workplace Friendships Actually Matter

Meeting up with another surprise work friend recently – three hours of non-stop chatting – got me thinking about how important these connections we make at work really are.

In my experience, working with people who ‘get’ me makes me happier, braver, more engaged and more productive.

I’ve been lucky enough to find plenty of friendship gems through work, and as my roles and location have changed, they’re now dotted around the UK, weaving all kinds of professional magic.

It turns out this isn’t just my experience.

Research by Gallup shows that having a best friend at work significantly improves engagement and productivity. The benefits to business outcomes are clear, which is why that question about having a best friend at work appears in so many employee engagement and culture surveys. 

Some friends used to laugh at the inclusion of the ‘do you have a best friend at work’ question in their annual survey but actually, reflecting on it now, I can see why it was in there and why it’s so important!

Your reflection: How do your closest workplace relationships affect your day-to-day experience? Do you feel more confident taking on challenges when you have supportive colleagues around you?

Working in an environment which supports friendship has become increasingly important to me over time.

When I was considering my next role, finding someone who gets me was top of my list. What’s important to me is someone I can have a laugh with, problem solve with, respect and learn from – it’s great when that all comes together and goes a long way to making work what it should be – fun!

Building Genuine Connection

But how do you actually build these meaningful connections, especially when first impressions might lead you astray like mine did with Angela?

I learned something valuable about this at a conference last year.

The context was building relationships based on physical, emotional and psychological safety, and we did a brilliantly creative exercise that matched you with a complete stranger.

The exercise was simple but powerful:

• On the back of a postcard I’d chosen from a group of images, I wrote my ‘Why’ – my purpose in work and life
• I had to find the person with the matching half of my postcard in a crowd of 220 people
• When we found each other, we had 45 minutes to discuss what we’d written through five structured questions
• We took turns to listen and ask clarifying questions
• We ended by summarising the other person’s story in one word

My partner’s word for me was “Open” and mine for them was “Transformation.”

The whole experience reconfirmed what I already knew but sometimes forget to practice – the fundamentals.

The Fundamentals That Actually Work

The basics of connecting with colleagues haven’t changed, but they’re easy to overlook in our busy work lives. Here are six things which are super important:

Honesty – Being genuine about who you are and what matters to you, just like sharing your ‘Why’ on that postcard.

Active listening – Really hearing what someone is telling you, not just waiting for your turn to speak. I’m always working on this.

Kindness – Small acts of care that show you see your colleagues as whole people, not just work functions.

Fun – Finding moments of lightness and joy together, whether that’s over Chicken Pot Pie soup or discovering a shared love of The Smiths.

Sharing – Opening up about your experiences, challenges, and interests beyond the immediate work task.

Creating time – Making space for these conversations to happen, whether that’s arriving early to meetings for a chat or suggesting those impromptu lunches.

Your reflection: Which of these fundamentals comes most naturally to you? Which one do you find most challenging to put into practice?

Questions for Your Own Reflection

As you think about the friendships in your own work life, consider these questions:

1. Who in your workplace have you potentially misjudged based on first impressions? How could you create an opportunity to get to know them better?
2. What small actions could you take this week to show genuine care and interest in a colleague’s wellbeing?
3. How do you currently create time and space for meaningful conversations at work, beyond the task-focused discussions?
4. What’s one way you could be more open and honest about who you are with your work colleagues?
5. If you were to describe your purpose in work and life in a few sentences, what would you write? How might sharing this help others understand and connect with you?

I’m curious about your own experiences with workplace friendship. Have you ever been surprised by a connection that developed despite unlikely beginnings? What qualities do you think are most important when building relationships at work?

The friendships we build in our professional lives often become some of our most treasured relationships – they certainly have for me. They see us through career transitions, celebrate our wins, and remind us that work doesn’t have to be something we endure alone.

Here’s to work friends who become lifelong friends – and to staying open to the connections we might never expect.