Faye McDonough

Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely. But if you’re feeling isolated in your role, you’re not alone in that experience.

The headlines are everywhere; two of my recent favourites are this HBR piece on how Loneliness Is Reshaping Your Workplace or Forbes’ deep dive into how to Overcome Leadership Loneliness.

I’ve been reflecting on this topic for a while now and first wrote about it last summer. 

In January 2024, my friend Kat shared her plans to bring together a group of senior women leaders in Financial Services to support, challenge and inspire each other. 

I was excited for her, and the amazing programme she had designed, but I was also very envious. 

I realised I was lonely and desperate for what she was creating for others; connection and support at work. 

The Reality of Leadership Loneliness

I’m not alone experiencing this – and if you’ve felt the same, neither are you. 

Gallup reported in their State of the Global Workforce: 2024 Report (still the most often quoted) that 1 in 5 employees reported experiencing a lot of loneliness the previous day in 2023.

Loneliness was higher among fully remote employees (25%) and lowest among those working fully on-site (16%). Hybrid workers fell in between (21%).

Leadership can be lonely, especially when learning a different environment, ploughing through a never-ending to-do list or firmly in ‘fix-it’ mode, focused on 90-day plan delivery.

 Over 70% of new CEOs report feelings of loneliness and data supports the concept that it’s ‘lonely at the top’. 

When I first felt those twinges of loneliness, it was a strange experience for me. 

I’d taken time out to consider my next career move in 2022. I’d swapped profit for purpose and was back in the office, just like I wanted to be, with a friendly, kind team supporting projects doing great things across the UK. This should have been great. 

But whilst I prefer the dynamic in a smaller business, the maths are against you. Fewer people means fewer peers and fewer opportunities to build those social relationships and the support network that makes work fun.

I also knew it wasn’t my long-term home. It wasn’t quite one of those good jobs (on paper) that Christine Armstrong talks about but I knew it wasn’t where I’d be forever. 

Something was missing. 

Turning Envy Into Action

So my feelings of envy started something and challenged me to do something about it. 

Was there a network I could join? How could I feel more connected at work?  Could I create a community of like-minded people in Financial Services? Could these activities help me to work out what was missing? 

Within 6 months of that first conversation and realisation, a lot had already changed. 

Grounded in personal development, I took inspiration from others, looking inward, sharing my experiences and taking action.

What I Missed (And Why It Matters)

The five actions I’m about to share all worked. They genuinely helped – and there are a ton of similar suggestions out there. 

But looking back now over a year later, I can also see something I couldn’t see then. I was taking action from a place of desperation, not authenticity – and that changes everything.

When you’re lonely and trying frantically to fix it, you can end up performing connection rather than creating it. 

Saying yes to everything. Reaching out to everyone. Posting online to prove you’re engaged and visible.

It feels productive. It looks like progress, but performance-based connection actually makes you feel lonelier ultimately. I know. I’ve been there. 

I learnt this through yoga, oddly enough. My teacher talks about approaching practice from a place of curiosity rather than achievement. Not forcing yourself into a pose, but exploring what’s genuinely available to you in that moment. It’s often irritating but also annoyingly very true. 

The same principle applies to building community at work.

True connection feels nourishing. It leaves you energised, not drained. You feel seen, not like you’re performing to be seen. You can tell the difference – immediately.

So yes, take the five actions I’m about to share. They’re genuinely helpful.

But the external actions only work when paired with the internal work of coming from the right place.

Notice whether you’re seeking connection from genuine curiosity about others, or networking because you’re desperate for the next opportunity. Pay attention to whether a conversation feels like it’s feeding you, or like you’re performing.

For me, that internal work included limiting social media and my phone use overall, being honest about what I actually needed (not just what looked good), and giving myself permission to say no to connections that didn’t feel authentic.

Once I started paying attention to where my actions were coming from, these five things made a real difference last year and continue to right now, as I’ve started my new adventure at Greater Cambridge Impact, again in a small team.

Curiosity – Tune in to what inspires you and do more of that.  

Reading, conversation, chatting with good friends on walks and new insights always light me up. I needed to do more of that. 

I decided to be curious about

1. how other people create and experience community
2. their experiences of loneliness and true connection 
3. how their workplaces operate and
4. what I could borrow

That meant saying yes to an invite to a Book Circle with new people, going solo to a conference with an irresistible agenda, joining a specialist network and lunchtime walks with old colleagues and friends. 

Saying yes to just one of these invites was enough to ease feelings of loneliness. 

Your reflection: What could you say yes to? Look at invitations you’ve been hesitating over, or events you’ve bookmarked but not committed to. Pick one and commit.

Reconnect –  Reach out to your support network 

Working in an organisation with thousands of colleagues was brilliant at making life-long nourishing friendships. 

I reinvigorated a lot of those relationships last year. Sometimes I hadn’t seen or spoken to them in years but the depth of the relationship was strong and importantly, no one said no!

This was a great reminder that your community exists – the challenge is to use it and keep it alive. 

Your reflection: Who could you send a message to? What existing support network could you tap into? Start with one person today. A simple “thinking of you” message or coffee invitation can reignite a meaningful connection and in my experience, is always appreciated – by you and them.

Growth – Invest in your personal development 

When in doubt, turn to learning! It is a big motivator for me and I know I’m happier when I’m learning. 

I invested in new courses; some free, some not. I completed courses with Women on Boards, Good Finance and UPFRONT and every course led me to something else. Another thought, idea, book or a connection to make… 

Every course brings a side of community these days too so jump in! 

Your reflection: What personal development could you invest in? Consider both formal courses and informal learning opportunities. The key is choosing something that genuinely interests you, not just what you think you should do.

Be visible – Share with honesty and generosity

Sharing more ignites conversations and builds trust & connection, in real life and online.

Be honest in your interactions and focus on helping others. You’ll be amazed at the difference that makes to you too.

But there’s a difference between sharing to help others and sharing to prove you’re engaged or for validation. 

When I was desperate for my next opportunity, I could feel myself performing visibility rather than creating genuine connection. It showed up in how I wrote, what I chose to share, and honestly, how exhausting it felt. I recognise when that happens now and make a shift. 

I always write with someone in mind. In one amazing moment last year, the person I’d written for sent me a thank you message. I helped her and she helped me. Win/Win!

Your reflection: What could you share to help others? This doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Share a lesson learned, recommend a resource, or offer support to someone facing a challenge you’ve overcome. If it feels like performance, pause and check in with why you’re sharing.

Take action – If what you want doesn’t exist, create it! 

After I finished the UPFRONT Bond in November 2024, I wanted to find a way to carry on connecting with the amazing women I met whilst also stretching my writing skills. 

Following graduation, I set up a bi-weekly Writing Accountability session where I meet with fellow Bond graduates to write every other Friday at 10am. 

We open the call by sharing briefly what we plan to do, then write on mute knowing fellow bonders are doing the same. We recap for five minutes at the end to share how we’ve got on. It’s been a great addition to my week and twelve months on, we’re still meeting. 

It’s a joy in my month and never fails to put a smile on my face. I love hearing about what these inspirational women are working on – from job applications to business cases to heartfelt articles to insightful journaling – and it’s also usually my most productive hour of the week. 

The community I’d originally envisaged creating was one for women leaders in financial services. The one I got was quite different and I can’t imagine not meeting. 

Your reflection: How can you create something to fill a gap you have? Start small – even one other person can be the beginning of something meaningful.

Moving Forward

Leadership loneliness is real, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.

These five actions genuinely help. But they work best when you’re approaching them from a place of curiosity and authenticity rather than desperation and performance.

That internal work matters as much as the external actions. Maybe more.

Check in with yourself before you reach out. Notice whether a connection feels nourishing or exhausting. Give yourself permission to say no to things that don’t feel right, even if they look good on paper.

The community you’re building should energise you, not drain you.

Start with one action. One invitation accepted. One message sent. One thing that genuinely interests you rather than something you think you should do.

And remember, just like in yoga, you can’t force yourself into a pose that isn’t available to you yet. When you force it, you’re performing rather than practising. Your compromised breath will tell you all you need to know about that. The same applies to connection – it should be real and authentic.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this:

• What would you want from a supportive community?
• Can you relate to feelings of loneliness at work? 
• Have you noticed the difference between authentic connection and performance?

If you’re feeling lonely in leadership, you’re not alone in that experience. With intentional action grounded in authenticity, you can create the community and connection that makes work not just bearable, but energising. 

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash